Don't let judgments hold you back

In late December I watched a CBS interview with, and performance by, a young singer named Ashley McBride, who is good enough to be recently mentioned in Grammy terms. One of her songs repeated the refrain “not bad for a girl going nowhere,” and in the interview, she talked about teachers who told her that’s exactly where she was going.

Now, of course, she’s getting some sweet payback.

This is a common story – the kid who does well despite the negative judgments of teachers. In fact, it reminds me of my graduation interview with a high school counselor. We didn’t have anything to discuss, he told me, because “you’re not college material anyway.”

True, I was never nominated for national awards; nevertheless, looking back at it, I did okay.

Of course, that dismissive counselor (isn’t that an oxymoron?) wasn’t all wrong, considering my mediocre high school record. His negativity was actually more realistic at that moment than if he had offered touchy-feely props, though I doubt he had motivation on his mind. I was a mediocre undergrad student, too, though I somehow managed a bachelor’s degree. Years later in graduate school, my grades did improve considerably.

In Ashley McBride’s case, there are a lot of things I wish I could tell her.

First, I’d tell her that on the TV screen, those full-arm tattoos don’t come across as body art. They look more like bad bruises. Somebody’s been lying to her. But that’s a different topic.

Second, I would sincerely compliment her on having persevered in music. My hearing doesn’t deliver melodies anymore, so I can’t comment on that, but she must be good, considering the accolades she is getting. I can read closed captions, however, and I’d have to say that the language craftsmanship demonstrated in the lyrics she composes is authentic poetry, a rarity in popular music.

Third, I’d tell her to consider that while constant stroking of fragile adolescent self-esteem is an artificial and ultimately unhelpful motivator, neither she, nor I, nor any other student, should be motivated with the opposite of the put-downs which she describes. Occasionally, negativity does motivate, sort of. Her success is some evidence. Nevertheless, it’s unkind, small-minded, unprofessional, and almost always unnecessary.

In a nicer world, that negativity wouldn’t happen to students, but sometimes it’s not a nice world for teachers either. Some days kids are fun, eager, loveable, while other days apathetic, disrespectful, crude, even dangerous. Eventually, dealing with this frustrating reality no one, no one, is immune to being negative. So there’s at least two perspectives for each school-days story. True maturity (and honesty) should recognize this fact.

Ashley McBride’s story does leave me wishing I could apologize to some former students of mine for things I said way back when. I also find myself wishing I could impress on teachers and students today:

Teachers, you can be a jerk and still survive professionally, but someday, if you’re at all honest, you’ll eat your words. And, what’s the point? Nasty doesn’t make you bigger or better.

Students, if you think you’re being treated poorly, here’s a secret trick you can play. For one semester, do all your homework carefully, do some extra reading, study hard for tests, be cheerful and polite every day. Then, if the teacher still “disses” you, you’ll have solid proof the problem was him or her, not you. That’s the only honest way to do this.

As a new year and new semester begin, I wish the best for both partners in this contentious, perplexing, yet momentous dance called “school.”

Ron Rude,

Plains