Street Smart

I never know what I’m going to write about for this column until I actually sit down at my keyboard. Today, oddly, the first thought to pop into my mind is the fact that I don’t swear much anymore. My hand hurt, and I remembered that the other day my wrench slipped and I smacked the back of my hand on a pipe. All I did was holler ouch while shaking my sore hand. Years ago, that same act would have had me shouting profanely and throwing the wrench. Not what one would call a mature response! That realization got me thinking.

As I look back, I understand that I had the privilege of being mentored by some remarkable men in my life. Although I didn’t always immediately embrace what was taught, I ultimately did learn. The lessons, from advice and simple observation, have served me well. Though several come to mind, I’d like to talk about just three of these men.

My dad taught me about courtesy, respect for women and work ethic. He gave verbal lessons, but mostly provided the example by his actions. He treated everyone he met with dignity and respect, regardless of their ‘station’ in life (As I think about that, I understand that my dad was actually a walking contradiction. He was a very bigoted man in private, but he still treated everyone he met respectfully. It makes no sense, but that’s the way he was. Sadly, he didn’t live long enough for me to ask him about that.). He also taught me about a strong work ethic. I learned, to not call in sick, work hard, do your job without whining and do it well. He also taught me to have respect for women. To this day, I can’t stand to see a woman standing while I’m in a seat and I always hold doors open. I’m convinced that Dad would leap from the grave and backhand me if I did differently!

My ex-wife’s grandfather also taught me to be respectful and not to swear in front of women. To be fair, my dad probably taught that same lesson as well, but I specifically remember “Cliffie” advising me regarding this courtesy. I have a clear memory of working with him on a vehicle. When it was only the guys around, Cliffie was a profane maestro! However, when any females showed up, he flipped a switch and started using ‘darn’ and ‘shucks’ instead of any swear words. He didn’t make a big deal of the advice. He just said it was a matter of respect. Kind of old fashioned I guess, but I embraced that lesson and think it’s important. To this day, although I don’t swear much anymore anyway (and there are some words that I will never use), I won’t utter even a damn or hell in front of a woman unless I hear them swear first.

My first training officer Phil also taught me that everyone is to be treated with dignity and respect. Looking back, I realize that Phil was a pretty amazing guy. He was a small man and a Vietnam combat veteran. He wasn’t physically imposing at all, and his last resort for gaining compliance from a resistant person was any sort of force. He taught me how to (in his words), “talk someone to jail.” Phil parroted my dad’s lessons regarding dignity and respect, but in a different context. He taught me that people in conflict need to be dealt with a certain way. In his words, “If you are disrespectful and rob a person of their dignity, they WILL fight.” He taught that, if time allows and you always treat a person with dignity and respect, a contact that spirals into a physical altercation will be a last resort and viewed as the only option. Important advice that was confirmed often. There’s no one better at conflict resolution than a seasoned street cop!

These three men were older and had a tremendous amount of real life experience that they shared with me. Throughout my lifetime, I’ve tried to put all these lessons into practice, but haven’t always been entirely successful or consistent. It’s a continuing process, but the progress is constant. Maturity is definitely a factor. Sometimes I think back on some of my behavior as a younger man and I cringe. I told someone the other day that I like getting older. That sounds like a ridiculous statement, but in my case, it’s the truth.

There are two scenes in the movie “Secondhand Lions” that portray much of what I’m trying to say. In one scene, Hub (Robert Duvall) is giving a group of rowdy teenage males what is referred to in the movie as “The Man Talk.” In another scene, Hub explains to his nephew what he believes every boy needs to know about being a man. The movie is worth watching if you haven’t seen it.

After re-reading this, I wonder how our nightly news would look if young men (everyone for that matter) were taught and then actually embraced and practiced just these few principles described? What if everyone truly believed in a strong work ethic and that ALL people should be treated with dignity and respect? The rap music industry would certainly take a hit, but I think the rest of the nation would prosper. To the older men reading this, I think we have an opportunity and obligation to set the proper example with our words and actions. Though we may not realize it, young people are paying attention and we have to remember that.

Blaine Blackstone is a retired Los Angeles Police Sergeant who enjoys the simpler life in Thompson Falls.